It’s been a while.

Even though we are all source awareness ( a Timothy Conway phrase) the mind still plays it’s tricks. I am dedicated to see my sadhana through. I believe in a relative life after death and relatively we are souls; it is just a label but it seems to help at the moment.

After completing an online forum where one is guided to see through the self; the ‘self’ as a struggling mind still arises all well and good here and with it certain compulsions to alleviate suffering aka chronic tension. Thankfully I am working with this relative shadow self. I am observing the personnas in this cylce of ¬†dealing with them. I am not fighting them off or trying to fix things.

This all seems so slow to ‘me’ after so many joyful openings and peace. But it ain’t over till it is. Paradoxically it is over and never began lol from the absolute view.

I am using a mantra again, one given via email from a seasoned well educated realized person. Email you may say. Yes and from my 25 years of spiritual endeavour with grace it’s powerful and helping smooth some kundalini issues I’ve had.

As a man I admire says ‘see you on the flip side’.



Any one who has suffered intense pain knows how it just takes over all of experience. My back went out yesterday. I’ve experienced this before, the stabbing pain is all consuming and yet here was this ‘I’ awareness holding this. Knowing this awful pain.

Bliss or pain….. awareness is there always….our true nature. No effort required for awareness, our ground to be known.

Realizing it is the wide open space for everything to be.

No Self

There is no self, just this experience as it is from moment to moment. A patterning on and in a screen of nothing.

A vibratory web or net of ever changing conscious energy; a continuous surge of becoming, being and evaporating.

Without a centre.

All Is You.

‘I’ as awareness is that which remains as its objectless self unchanging. Once realized that ‘I’ the ego mind of identification which is ever changing thought, memory, experience, body attachment is not you but rather the awareness ‘I’ is, peace and silence become more pre-dominant in moments especially where others are absent.

Then there is the realization that all this is in fact you….this ‘I’ awareness. The material paradigm is a nonsense all is Awareness, Consciousness, Self. A sense of other collapses.

Love and joy then become more of an on going experience. As everything is you and all is as it should be moment by moment by moment.


I have no interest in cars as long as mine runs OK and each journey is safe… that’s it. However I do tend to attract folk who are really and I mean really into cars. I’m more of a UFO, Reiki, Ley Line type of guy. I lend my ear to these petrolheads as my partner’s son is also one of these types and when we meet at least I have material to chat about.

It’s all one Consciousness patterning petrolheads, UFOlogists, LGBT, corrupt politicians, Saints and sinners……what a play!

As Its Self.

One just has to read Bishop Berkeley, Rupert Spira and Sri Ananda Krishna Menon then contemplate their words to understand there is no separate self, or an objective world.

All is indeed an intimate experience of sensing, which is really Awareness as itself.


Shakti or the modulation of Shiva/Consciousness is our energetic body that is within us as the chakra and nadi system as well as our aura. Shakti is also the same energy¬† that patterns others and the ‘outside’ world.

Taking this train of thought to a realization there is an equality, a total sameness between ‘inside’ and ‘outside’. In the game the play of Shiva/Consciousness it modulates the Shakti within us via its own/our experience over lifetimes. Some eddies of energy form knots within the chakra/nadi system; a result of the separate self play. So we get ego identification with likes and dislikes.

The journey back to our Self is merely untying the fundamental knot of identification or false separate idea by self inquiry aka contemplation to see if a separate i.d. is the case.

It can appear that this first knot can be re-tied…maybe. Else it’s just a case of having patience as the other knots, after the first, release during a life time and there is more peace, joy and fearlessness displayed as we go about our daily life.

Your Display.

Amazing how complicated the story of enlightenment can be. What you have to do to get there and what you don’t do to avoid being left out this life time to finding or attaining that happy peace.

Efforting is useful, the kicker however is to question who is the one or what is the efforter?

To save time just realize what is looking at these words, this spiel, is the already awake awareness that has always been you; behind the mental facade of the ego, persona, actor.

The Direct Path is seeing this, you as already awake awareness and standing as that, refuting the relative actions of the ego persona as just that….relative and changeable whilst the screen of presence, the real ‘you’ is and has always been switched on.

Switched off aka the state of suffering is always temporary as we have glimpses of our innate happiness via orgasm, getting what we want (a feeling that is short lived until the next toy we want but never the less a window to remember), seeing a beautiful sunset, walking in a serene forest, eating ice cream etc.

Knowing the fact that all perception is received by you as cognizant presence that the material universe is really your perception and has no objective reality apart from its experience, experienced again by you….Awareness.

Thus the evidence is there is nothing else than this unfolding as it is; including inner fantasy, OBE’s NDE’s, kundalini kriyas and other such or similar fireworks.



What if we don’t make it?

A concern I have is not having a deeper stable realization before I shuffle off. This concern is allayed somewhat with my experience of life after death. Not much is said about the after death state in Western Non duality.

Coming from a family of psychics, my maternal Grandmother was ‘extremely psychic’, my mother is a healing medium teacher trained via the Spiritualists’ National Union and myself having trained as a clairvoyant with Debra Lynne Katz I am fortunate to know there are other relative dimensions where the mind/soul goes after ‘death’.

Having had OBEs as a child and visited astral dimensions as well as having a NDE later on I am confident there will be an opportunity to continue my sadhana in these other places or vibratory frequencies if I don’t make it.

Buddhism mentions the Purelands and I do believe these are real places; as ‘real’ as the Earthplane and so provide excellent environs for liberation; with intention one may go there after ‘death’.

I’m writing this just to say keep on keeping on and do not despair! We get a second bite at the liberation cherry and do not necessarily have to incarnate again in a lower density experience program like the ‘physical universe’.